Perfectly Imperfect

HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS WHERE YOU KNEW YOU NEEDED TO BE WORKING ON MULTIPLE COMMENT FICS, CHARITY FICS, AND BIG BANGS IN ADDITION TO SCOURING THE INTERNET LOOKING FOR JOB OPPORTUNITIES BECAUSE YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED AND YOUR SAVINGS FOR COLLEGE IS OFFICIALLY EMPTY, BUT INSTEAD YOU SPEND IT READING FIC ABOUT HOW GOD IS A DUCK, EATING CHOCOLATE, DAYDREAMING ABOUT A FIC THAT WILL NEVER BE WRITTEN BECAUSE THE OC IN YOUR HEAD IS THE QUEEN OF THE MARY SUES, FEELING TOO HERMITY AND ANTISOCIAL TO ANSWER COMMENTS, AND LISTENING TO CRACKY SONGS?

I had a dream last night that I'm seriously considering trying to find the time to write up as a full length fanfic. In it, Castiel is a slightly absentminded god and Dean accidentally becomes his hammer.

It all starts when Dean, a Hero, cuts off Castiel's finger. Why? Because he is a Hero, and therefore does dangerous, reckless, somewhat stupid things on a fairly regular basis. Unfortunately, it turns out that making a god bleed is the equivalent of dropping to one knee and proclaiming your everlasting love. Except more binding. He could have just walked away, except that Cas decides he likes it, so he wants to put a ring on it. (Trufax. He said it in my dream in that flat, gravely way of his and it was one of the most glorious unconscious moments of my life.)

Dean is somewhat resistant, but ultimately unable to say no to his penis Cas and they end up having sex. Which Dean did NOT know would be the godly equivalent of walking down the aisle, no take backs, what with the blood and everything. So he learns his lesson: either fuck a god or make them bleed, but don't do both. Sam, of course, would have been able to tell him this, but he was too busy being smart somewhere else at the time. So he learns too late, because now he's mated to a god who has fucking criminal puppy dog eyes and lips to die for, which isn't all that bad, except there's that other thing. Ya know, about being his hammer.

Yeah, that thing.

See, in the old, less civilized days, gods mated with humans not for love or lust or anything like that, but to turn them into weapons. So, now Dean has access to some heavenly powers, which is totally kickass, except that Cas always looks at him like he's let him down in every way possible whenever he actually tries to use them. Although, in hindsight, maybe smiting that woman who got the last piece of pie before he could wasn't the most responsible use.

So, to sum up, Dean now has a hot, super weird new husband, a boatload of powers that he gets sent to the couch for using, and an unbearably smug little brother who won't stop waving books in his face and telling him to research things more before going on a hunt. He doesn't know whether to say fuck his life or fuck Cas, but he's Dean, so he'll probably do both.