Perfectly Imperfect

It's reached that magical time of the night where I do things like pretend to be a dinosaur at my cats and think that telling the internet everything that goes on in my head is the Best Idea Ever.

1. One of my oldest friends is visiting from out of town. She was always the pretty, preppy one in our group. Girl was a straight up cheerleader. In contrast, I wore oversized t-shirts and baggy guys jeans for the better part of about six years because I developed early and was ridiculously self conscious about having an hourglass figure in junior high. That said, it was kind of a shock to see her again for the first time in two years. While I've been losing weight, she's been gaining it. She's still the same pretty girl I've always known, but for the first time in all the years and years that we've known each other, I'm smaller than she is. It's kind of a mindfuck.

2. I think the reason I don't ever even try to write het porn is because there are no good words for the vagina. Vagina sounds too clinical, pussy and cunt make me cringe, and everything else either sounds gross or too flowery. Why are there no good words for lady parts, people? Can we change that? Anybody have a suggestion?

3. I just remembered that I'm supposed to be singing the special music in church on Sunday morning. And I agreed to go out drinking with the friend from 1 tonight. Not my best move. Oh well. It's not like I was planning on drinking much anyway.

4. There's this guy I might possibly have a tiny crush on, but I can't figure out if I like him or the idea of him--he's a nice guy and I could seriously do with a nice guy, especially after the shit I went through with my ex. I was talking with a mutual friend of ours who knew him before I did the other day, and she told me that when she first met him, she thought we'd make a good couple, except I was living several hours away at that time. Not sure what to do with that. Probably the same thing I always do: Nothing. Because I have no lady balls. None at all.

5. I've always been very adamant that while I don't judge people who read/write RPF, it's very much Not My Thing unless the people involved have been dead for about a century or so. My not so inner history nerd is a total whore for historical fiction. That said, I am totally going over to the dark side. RPS has turned into my dirty little secret the last few weeks. I can't stop reading it and I have a sneaking suspicion that it's only a matter of time until I try my hand at writing some. I have made impassioned arguments at topetine that I'm not truly a lost cause until I write it, but all these actors make it so damn hard to not write about their secret love. GUYS! STOP HAVING THE AUDACITY TO BE HAPPY AND AFFECTIONATE IN PUBLIC. GAH. YOU'RE EXPLODING MY BRAIN OVER HERE.

Forever and a day ago, a particularly bad book inspired me to very briefly start a book review blog. It lasted all of three posts, but that first review still holds a soft spot in my heart. So, because I'm bored and have hit another snag on Odd Fish-Sorry!-I decided to post it over here for all you fine folks to enjoy.

( Read more... )

I entered one short and two different chapters from the same story, all of which were written within a week of each other. Can I spin this so that I'm versatile instead of inconsistent?

Have you read these? You need to read these. I can't even articulate how much you need to read these. They're so incredibly bad that they're genius. It's like if Babelfish took LSD and wrote porn. Go ahead. Click the links. You know you want to.

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/01/fan_fiction_friday_wolverine_cyclops_and_jean_grey.php
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/01/fan_fiction_friday_batman_and_robocop_in_the_day_t.php
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/04/fan_fiction_friday_inspector_gadget_and_superman_i.php
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/06/fan_fiction_friday_optimus_prime_and_princess_leia.php

Alternating between writing The Effect of Cylindrical Objects on Derek Morgan when Inserted Into an Oral Cavity and a Child!Alien!Reid ficlet. Oh summer, I wish you would never end.

I'm kind of stuck on The Effects..., if only because there are only so many ways to say 'Reid put something in his mouth and Derek thought it was fucking hot' before I start to sound repetitive. May need to do a little googling for alternative ideas to flesh it out. After all, Spencer's supposed to be conducting a scientific experiment, right?

Alien!Reid is fun, but Child!Alien!Reid breaks my heart a little. Decided to go back and start with him as a child during their early days on Earth and work my way up to the present. This means I'm definitely going to be going back through and rewatching all past seasons. I work so hard for you guys...

Lalala...

Hey, look! It's a super old, hideous picture of me dozing in a giant bean bag chair at my ex-boyfriend's apartment! I'm glad we stayed friends after the breakup or this crappy picture wouldn't exist. <3 Hyper? Me? Never!

-woke up

-wrote a story

-transferred some Psych drabbles from FFnet to LJ

-ate breakfast

-fought back nausea/dizziness and wondered if stopped taking cold medicine too soon

-read Texts From Last Night and marveled at how different my life is from 99.9% of the people on there

-took cold medicine

-watched cat give himself a bath on my bed and wondered if I should think it was cute or disgusting

-decided to spam people's flists with my morning

There. If you're stalking me, I just made your job a hell of a lot easier. You're welcome.

Also, bubbles.

Dear you,

I love that you love the things I write. If I didn't want people to enjoy my stories, I'd just leave them on my hard drive. And I certainly appreciate that you took the time to review, because-as someone with access to FFnet's traffic feature-I know exactly how low the reviewers to readers ratio is. Also, I'm a bit of a feedback whore.

That said, there's a reason I write author's notes. Yes, some of them are trivial and you don't miss anything if you skip over them. Yes, I'm aware that I'm rapidly developing a habit of posting something, marking it as complete, and then adding more. But when I flat out say in the author's note that the story is definitely over and I'm not going to add any more, please take me at my word.

So, yes, it's flattering when you add the story to your story alerts and ask for more, but I really don't know what to say to you. It's over. Sorry. Thanks for taking the time to ask though.

Much love,

Me

Some little things I want to say, but let's start with:

1. The David Rossi/Elle Greenaway dream I had last night.

I kinda liked Elle before she got shot. Afterwards? Not so much. I'm sure I was supposed to sympathize and feel bad for her and all, but the entire time I'm sitting there thinking, 'Girl is clearly still going through some shit. Why the hell is she even there? And does she really need to be such a bitch to Hotch? Doesn't she know how awesome and super cool he is? Bitch, please.'

So! In the dream, she comes by the BAU to visit/clear the air with Hotch. She's currently going back to school to become a psychologist who specializes in helping survivors of violent crimes and she wants to tie up loose ends in her old life before she starts her new one. All's good until she runs into Rossi and Hotch introduces them. She insults him, he laughs at her, and they have a really strong 'click' hello moment before she goes running for the elevator where Reid, dressed like Elvis, is waiting to take her to see some new slasher film.

Yeah, it kind of loses something at the end there...but before that, is it something anyone would be interested in? Because I'm thinking of typing it up into a little short.

2. I love driving a truck. There was a cable truck in my driveway when I got home and instead of having to wait for them to move, I just drove down into the ditch and around them.

3. Sometimes I'm really not certain if the old people in the south are joking or if they just really are that racist. We had a concert on Sunday, and after it was over most of us were hanging around out front to talk to the audience. An older gentleman approached the small group I was standing with and started to talk to us about Italy. All was well until he said, "Now, be careful of the Gypsies while you're over there. All of them will rob you blind if you're not on your guard." Then he turned and walked away and the three of us just stared at each other, trying to figure out if he was serious.

4. You know how sometimes you sit around and come up with really good quotes so that you can just spew them out if you ever become famous? Isn't that fun?

5. I think I'm finally ready to get back to work on the Psych challenge I've been working on for the last month and a half. I was starting to get a little burned out on it, but sometimes you just need to step away and do something else for a while.

How out of line would it be for someone-andI'mnotsayingitwouldbeme!-to message someone that they've been kinda, sorta, totally cyber stalking for the last couple of months and basically say "O hai, I think you kick so much ass and everything you write is so good that you must be sacrificing kittens to the devil nightly or something. BTW, I wrote this thing and I'd love to get your opinion on it because you're so awesome I just want to kill myself."

On a scale of 1 to 10, how not okay would that be?