Perfectly Imperfect

I want to stab something in the face with a fucking fork.

I'm so far outside my happy place that it isn't even a little funny. I don't want to talk about it, but if anyone wants to send anything happy--gifs, fic recs, dirty jokes, etc--my way, that would be appreciated.

Fuck.

Just.

Just.

FUCK.

I'll try to get back on the ball tomorrow.

1. Woke up.
2. Went for an 8 1/2 mile run/walk/whatever. Stopped because it felt like a bone was trying to escape through the bottom of my foot.
3. Bought a swimsuit and cheese.
4. Went swimming.
5. Was forced into having a talk about My Future.
6. Wanted to stab myself in the face.
7. Cursed my inability to write anything that could be considered publishable.
8. Cursed my inability to finish any of the many novels I've started writing over the years.
9. Cursed the world's inability to pay me for writing fanfiction/drabbles.
10. Silently admitted to myself that I have absolutely no real desire to finish my degree anymore.
11. Wondered how my parents would react if I just drop out of college and got a job flipping burgers, because I didn't actually hate working fast food.
12. Realized that I'd eat all the burgers and end up gaining back all the weight I've lost. Plus, you know, myriad of other reasons that I can't even, omg.
13. Curled up in a ball and tried not to cry or throw up.
14. Watched Tosh.0 with topetine.
15. Read fic that wasn't even porn for a fandom I'm not even a part of.
16. Stalked the author's LJ so that I could read the entire series that the fic was for.
17. Refused to think about real life anymore for the night.
18. Thought about real life some more.
19. Fought the urge to curl back up into a ball.
20. Decided to screw the world and go to sleep.

And that's why there's no Daily Drabble for the day. Because I am full of fail. Sorry, theslashbunny. It's plotted out in my head and should be up sometime tomorrow.

Things have been kind of shitty lately. Like, seriously shitty. It seems like I bottle things up the most when they're really bad. I'm not looking for sympathy or for anyone to talk to. I just want to toss it out there that things aren't going well for me right now, so don't be surprised if I'm only on here sporadically for a while.

In the meantime, I have a plan. Well, for the night at least.

1. Eat my bowl of ice cream.
2. Polish off this second bottle of wine.
3. Curl up and cry a little.
4. Remind myself that life doesn't stop, no matter how much you'd like to take a vacation from reality.
5. Answer comments that I've been ignoring.
6. Write something for TWYL that isn't such crap that it makes me want to slit my wrists.

Forever and a day ago, a particularly bad book inspired me to very briefly start a book review blog. It lasted all of three posts, but that first review still holds a soft spot in my heart. So, because I'm bored and have hit another snag on Odd Fish-Sorry!-I decided to post it over here for all you fine folks to enjoy.

( Read more... )

Sometimes I forget why I almost completely stopped going on FFnet between 2003 and the beginning of this year. Then I stumble across such a mind boggling piece of crap-which of course has glowing reviews-that I have to nod to myself and say 'Aaaaah, yes, now I remember.' I posted my first story on The Pit when I was about 12/13 years old. Plot-wise, it wasn't good and, while my grammar wasn't horrible and I used spellcheck, I had problems with breaking up my paragraphs and remembering the difference between defiantly and definitely, which made for a few unintentionally hilarious sentences. It's long since been deleted from EVERYTHING.

So, I understand how the stories can be juvenile or not very good. What I don't understand is how someone can write an almost incomprehensible 'story', riddled with poor spelling, grammar, punctuation, no capitalization(WTF WHY WOULD YOU EVEN) and still act shocked and horrified and try to sic their inevitable flock of fans to verbally maul you if you try to point out that they might want to look into a beta. And this isn't from some little preteen, which would almost make that sort of behavior borderline okay, since everyone knows that preteens are usually self absorbed little shits anyway-if I ran into preteen me, I'd probably punch her in the face. But no. This girl is twenty. And in college.

...

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET ACCEPTED INTO A COLLEGE WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PUT A CAPITAL LETTER AT THE BEGINNING OF A FUCKING SENTENCE?! YOU DON'T USE COMMAS OR PERIODS! YOU CONFUSED YOUR WITH YOU'RE! YOUR SUMMARY IS PURE GIBBERISH! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME! YOU'VE REDUCED ME TO TALKING IN ALL CAPS! I HATE YOU!

*ahem* Sorry.

The thing that probably bothers me the most is the fact that I've had numerous people give me and others the excuse 'I'm just doing this for fun, so it doesn't matter' after being confronted about their poor writing habits. I'm sorry, but that's not going to cut it. I write for fun too. I have never in my life posted something without reading through it at least 5-10 times to make certain it was the best I could make it. Yes, writing's a hobby, but there's no reason why you shouldn't take pride in it. And, more than that, it's a vital life skill. Would you really apply those same habits to a report or correspondence? If you would, then you should be ashamed of yourself. It's disrespectful to the people who have to read it, because you're implying that they aren't worth the extra effort it would take to produce something intelligible. It's an insult to the English language. Hell, it's an insult to yourself. Have some fucking self respect. You're capable of more than the crap you produce.

I'm a horrible christian. I just spent most of this morning's sermon plotting out a 'morning after' fic for my Mouth of Babes universe. I'm so going to hell.