An open letter to Tom Hardy

[coffeebuddha]

Mr Hardy, you have no idea who I am and if the fates are kind we will never meet. (I have absolutely no desire to meet most of the celebrities I like. I'm more than happy to admire you from afar and keep my delusions intact.) But Mr Hardy--can I call you THardy? I'mma call you THardy.--I have to say this.

The first time I saw you, it was in that Star Trek movie where Data is replaced by notData and everyone sings Blue Skies. I admit it. I thought you were attractive and talented, but in the course of blocking out that movie from my mind, I forgot about you.



Obviously that was my mistake and I am so sorry.

Fast forward a few years to when I finally saw Inception.



I blame the costumer for this one, because while I liked your character, I wasn't especially attracted to him, especially when there was JGL running around in his tight, tight pants. You have to know that that isn't the best look for you, right? Just...that hair. Honey, do you blame me for needing convincing? Thankfully, you are a total camwhore.








Camwhoring, uh...it really works for you.



It really...



...really...



...works for you. So while it took a while for me to get here, now my reaction is very much:

And pretty much every time I see you smiling like a dork, it's almost possible to believe that this is possible.



I love your dorky smile.







I love your apparent inability to keep your clothes on.









I love your shoulders.






I love how you seem to lose all control of your own body in interviews.






I love all the bb pictures of you there are floating around.









And I love so many, many other things about you.


Like your obvious love for your son...

...the way you seem so huggy...

...how easy it is to find pics of you with an arm around JGL's waist...

...your ability to pull off professional...

...and thuggish looks...

...and the way you can make even mundane everyday activities seem sexy.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is...



But I promise to try not to be creepy about it. Also, I would totally let you bite my shoes. ♥

Comments

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

He's a member of the "a mouth is a mouth" club as the guy on Dlisted put it. I don't know. I believe THardy basically said he's never had a cock in his arse or put his in a bloke's arse.

I don't know, it was very specific and very British.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

And now I have a sad. :( I kind of want the whole story about what happened. He seemed so casual and open about it. It almost makes me wonder if he was getting pressured to 'clarify' it one he started getting more famous. But that's just speculation. =P

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

He's a camwhore. I am sure he's looked himself up and read some of the excited fangirling over his bi-ness.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

:(
:(
:(
Just for that, I want to go find some RPS about him and JGL... >.>

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

I liked that random threesome fic, sort of, with Cumberbatch and Chris Pine.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

I never saw that one. I don't suppose you have a link?

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

Do I? If I did, it would be on delicious somewhere. Grrrrr.

I think I got it from sinjah though. Maybe. Or dlasta. Chris Pine might have meant her. Or...plainapple?

Shit. I will ask.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Much appreciated! &hearts

(My reaction to delicious lately is just to take lots of deep, soothing breaths and then headdesk until it doesn't hurt anymore.)

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

I can't redo all those links, I just can't. I transferred to diigo, but I don't understand their organization and layout, even if my tags are the same.

*sadface*

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

I'm slowly getting used to diigo. It feels weird and a little wrong after the old delicious, but it's still a better system than the new delicious.

*gives cookies* This post needs fewer sadfaces. :(

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

I ought to cook or bake something. Meh.

Um. fewer sadfaces. Um. http://youtu.be/5J8gf9OFTRY

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

Baking is a good thing. Any idea what kind of thing you'd want to make?

I fucking love that musical/scene. XD (And stuff like that is why I always laugh when guys try to tell me there's nothing in musicals for 'straight guys'.)

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

Last week I went all "squirrel freaking out in preparation for winter" and made a stew, two quiches, and two batches of cookies.

This week...nothing so much.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. It sounds like you could use a pie.

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

I am not good at pie. I don't know what it is, but I suffer from extreme pie anxiety. I can't make them.

Well I can, but they aren't good.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

Huh. Is it the filling or the crusts or what? Because if it's the crust, maybe you could try doing a graham cracker crust instead? =/

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

This is where I am convinced I am cursed, because I make the filling okay. I follow my mother's recipe for crust. I put the thing in the oven and it all burns or bakes too long or not even regardless of how often I check it.

I've made one good pie in my life. It sucks too, because I have frozen cherries in the freezer.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

It might just be your oven. My mom has a couple recipes that used to come out perfectly every time up until we moved and suddenly nothing she did would make them work. Finally we figured out that our oven is just kind of wonky. =P

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

Could be. It depends on the recipe too. I am very literal and if a chef has omitted things from their recipe (thinking it's obvious or it's common sense or something) then I will mess up, because even when it makes no sense, I will assume they had a reason not to mention it, etc etc.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

People omit things from their recipes? D: Why would they do that? I get doing it for your personal recipes, because you know what's going on, but to leave ingredients out in a recipe you're sharing with other people and just assuming they'll know what's missing makes absolutely no sense. That's definitely a fail on them and not you. Baking is basically chemistry and leaving out a key component is a quick way to fuck everything up.

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

There's a talent to writing good recipes for strangers. Some chefs you know have that instinctual feel for things, and so writing things down precisely is not for them.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

I do a lot of 'to taste' instructions for recipes when I'm cooking, but baking is a whole different story. =/ I guess this is proof that even recipes need proof readers sometimes.

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

My friend is a knitter and she test knits for well-known knitters all the time and she has the same problem, and she has lots of experience. She gets annoyed because correcting a knitting mistake is a pain in the ass and the pattern-makers can't leave out anything no matter how obvious it seems to them.

[coffeebuddha.livejournal.com]

Ugh. My knitting skills are good enough to make a scarf. I can't image trying to do anything more complicated than that without really clear instructions.

[rispacooper.livejournal.com]

I can't knit at all. I hold it in awe.