Live thoughts on The Eagle
Aug. 6th, 2011 10:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coffeebuddhaI watched The Eagle tonight and was in the kind of mood that made it seem necessary to open up an entry box and type up my thoughts while simultaneously watching. It pretty much went the way you would expect.
This movie is already sorely lacking in exposed thighs.
I'd settle for a knee.
Marcus, I approve of your lips. Your lower one is particularly nice.
Poor Marcus. Nobody wants to be your friend. :(
SAW SOME KNEES. OH YEAH.
Marcus has ears like a motherfucking bat. I bet it's the natives, not cattle. If only because cattle would make for a very different story. Of course, who doesn't want to see a movie about a Roman and his bovine?
I want one of those helmets. I always have, but now I really do.
That's not a cow. That's not a cow at all.
What this movie lacks in exposed thighs, it more than makes up for in slashy, stabby fighting. I approve. More thighs would still be love though.
AND THEN THERE WAS FIRE.
Oh look. The natives are upset. How surprising. God, Rome, why did you have to be such a pushy asshole?
Beheading seems like a relatively painless way to die, provided it's done right. Nobody likes a sloppy beheading. It makes us all look bad. Does anyone have the facts on this. Should I add beheading to my list of 'I'd be okay with that' ways to die?
Mmm, strategy is sexy. Random, disembodied heads? Not so much. I'm having mixed feelings about this.
Ooo, chariots. SLICEY chariots.That would hurt.
Marcus has a pair of balls on his chariot slaying self. Also, daddy issues. And now he has an uncle! Maybe he'll give him the hug he's been sorely needing?
Oh, Marcus. Honey. It's going to be okay. An honorable discharge isn't the end of the world. :( You still have most of a movie to go. Clearly you have more to do.
All the ladies think Marcus is a sexy beast. RAWR.
I didn't do enough research before hand to say for certain, but I'm guessing that's Esca? So he's probably about to kick this guy's ass with his bare hands. Maybe? Honey, what are you doing? Apparently getting your ass kicked. So much for my theory.
Already with the intense staring?
Marcus! I love you and your thumbs! :D
I also love Marcus' uncle. (Does he have a name? Can I name him? I'm naming him. He is now Uncle Awesome.)
Esca. ESCA. YOUR DAGGER. YOUR BOND. YOU ARE LOVELY AND NOBLE.
Nary a thigh in sight.
This is...oddly hot for surgery. Yes, Esca. Hold him down. Harder.
And now there's an oddly hot boar hunt. What is this movie doing to me? O.o
Esca looks so wee when he's standing next to Marcus.
'The Ninth'. OH HI, ESCA, WHAT DO YOU SO OBVIOUSLY KNOW?
Marcus is going to bust a cap in somebody's ass over honor before this movie is over. Bust. A. Cap. (I'm still not street enough to pull something like that off, am I?) He is sad and injured inside.
The Eagle: Reminding the world that politicians have always been douches.
Hi, Marcus. You're very trusting and noble and whatnot, but I think you sometimes make rash decisions.
Uncle Awesome, you are not being awesome. Esca is better than slitting Marcus' throat while he sleeps. He gave his word, okay? Seriously. Stop being not awesome.
Marcus is a studly pile of issues. Trufax.
Hey look. It's a tree full of dead bodies. Wonder what you have to plant to grow something like that.
Aww, touching heart to heart over the campfire. I want Esca to be free so I can ship this without feeling a little dirty.
Oh, Esca. :( You poor boy and your poor family.
I like Marcus' little eagle woobie.
Everyone in this movie is full of Honor. It's like watching Mulan. Except without Donny Osmond. Or any Chinese people. And less crossdressing. Okay, so it's nothing like Mulan, but there's still honor.
Marcus has ears like a bat and Esca has eyes like a hawk. They are a match made in flying heaven.
Does Esca seriously not have a weapon or am I just not seeing this right? Oh, there we go. He had a stick.
It's just a child. I know it was probably necessary, but Esca's face just...gah. :(
I approve of Esca and his talking back ways. You keep that backbone, honey.
Marcus, you don't really do diplomacy, do you? You're more of a 'tell me what I want to know or I will STAB YOU IN THE FACE' kind of guy. Don't get me wrong, it seems to be working for you, but you know that saying about flies and honey.
I think someone's been hiding out in the woods for too long. That someone is Guern. (Why yes, I do have the wiki open in a different tab so I can get the spellings right.)
I'm more inclined to trust Esca's people judging skills right now than Marcus'. Guern doesn't seem to have fond feelings toward Rome at all.
The Seal People sounds like a band. Like The Village People, only with more barking. Granted, there's probably less killing with The Village People. Probably.
Neither of them are pleased right now, but I would swear that their fighting is more groping than punching. Especially when Marcus grabbed Esca by the back of the head.
OH HI, PAINTED PEOPLE. YOU LOOK FRIGHTENING AND THREATENING.
I approve of the twist this is taking. Is it wrong if I like seeing Marcus tied up? Fandom, what have you done to me?
This chief is kind of freaking me out.
Esca is not breaking his promise. He gave his word. He's saving him in the only way he can. Right? RIGHT?
Some things never change. The ladies still think Marcus is a sexy beast. RAWR. Not working out so well for him this time, though...
I...um...I need a hundred more scenes where Esca pushes Marcus around and grabs him by his hair. A hundred hundreds. More even.
The Seal People appear to do as many drugs as The Village People. (I assume The Village People were high ALL THE TIME by evidence of their outfits.) Good to know.
...What's with the sniffing? Sniffing people turns them into warriors? I know they're all high, but WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
It's the eagle. Marcus is probably going to do something stupid now.
...Yep.
ESCA. I LOVE YOU AND YOUR SENSE OF HONOR.
"I thought I'd lost you." How is that not this fandom's "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling"? Or is it? I haven't really ventured into the fandom outside of a couple recced fics.
Esca is clearly the voice of reason in this movie. Too bad Marcus is bad at listening.
Masked guy has Marcus' dad's ring...
But masked guy is not his father. I am both happy and disappointed about that.
Aww, that little kid likes Esca. Esca's good with kids. DON'T KILL THE KID, MARCUS. SERIOUSLY. I KNOW THEY'RE OFTEN LOUD AND STICKY, BUT THAT'S JUST A BAD HABIT TO GET INTO.
Run, horsies, ruuuuuuun. It's been way too long since I've gone horseback riding.
Esca nursing Marcus. ESCA NURSING MARCUS. Esca trying to protect Marcus from the mean things the chief said about his daddy! GUYS. SERIOUSLY?
And for the second time in less than a week I'm reminded of my first hand experience with a zombie rat apocalypse. Yay.
Marcus is jumpy first thing in the morning.
Esca's horse! Oh god, that hurts my heart. I want to go hug our horses now. :(
Oh, you clever, clever boys. Hiding in the river like that can't be good for Marcus' leg wound, though.
NEVER LET GO, ESCA. NEVER LET GO.
I'm starting to get the feeling that Marcus isn't a strong swimmer. Also, he's probably at least a little shocky and fevery. Or other medical things that I don't really know anything about. IDK, I'm not a doctor. I don't even play one on tv.
Oh god. I can't even process this. My head is full of thinky thoughts that won't turn into words. Esca is free, but now they're friends? Except not really. I have a whole long thing in my head about how they are both Good Men, as is measured by their respective people, but it would probably be best to save that for the end of this post. Right now, Marcus is sharpening a stick and Esca is running a lot. I clearly have better things to be focusing on.
There is no way that sitting around chilling in all that water is doing anything to help Marcus' wound. Also, I question the sturdiness of his stick. Would it really be able to hold him up that well.
ESCA. YOU FOUND ROMANS. Or former Romans. Whatever. Good for you, bb. You done good.
I'm in love with Marcus' neck and shoulders. Also his collar bones. Just that whole general region. That whole area's pretty good for me.
Aww, noble Romans being noble. Funny how none of them seem to have lost their shields in all this time. You would think at least would have.
Don't kill the kid. Don't kill the kid. Don't kill the kid.
Oh, fuck you, asshole. (Although Esca does give good sadface.)
Someone really needs to kill the kid killer. I hope it's Esca who does it.
Okay, Marcus is good too.
Oh, I like how they cut out the soundtrack for this part. That was super effective, guys. Way to go on that.
Bye, Gluern. I was wrong about you. :(
And now Marcus and Esca can be BFFs forever and go on lots of sexy adventures together. You know, once they rub this in that asshole politician's face. YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT. RUB IT IN ALL DIGNIFIED LIKE.
Oh, politician just put his foot in it. And Esca gives good smug face too.
Yeah, definitely time for some sexy adventures.
Okay, my conclusions.
1. To me, this was a love story about two Good Men having a Touching, Manly Adventure. Marcus saves Esca's life, even when everyone around him is screaming for the opposite, and Esca does...well, pretty much everything for Marcus. Added to that, their personal histories have drawn a line between them, which is some pretty basic Romeo and Juliet shit, except with more stabbing. Except that there's also that whole slave thing.
2. That whole slave thing. Esca was Marcus' slave. Marcus was Esca's slave, except not really, because he was just doing what he had to do to keep Marcus safe and alive until they could finish their mission. There's a power balance there that gets even muddier when you factor in the fact that Esca clearly doesn't consider himself a slave so much as a man who owes Marcus a life debt. How are there not thousands of words of fic exploring this with all kinds of thinky thoughts? This is the sort of relationship that screams out for thousands of words of thinky thoughts.
3. I feel like I missed something in there where they suddenly became BFFs. It just seemed like it needed more, you know? One minute they pretty much hate each other and are only together because neither of them really have any other option and the next they're walking off into the sunset together? What? Did I fall asleep? Where there more scenes full of bonding in there that I just didn't see? Don't get me wrong, I liked the dynamic they had at the end. I just want to know exactly where it came from.
4. Overall, it's a better than average, entertaining movie that isn't without its issues. Fandom. Get on those issues, because they would make for damn good fics.
5. It needed more exposed thighs.
6. Esca is an adorable wee thing who could fit in Marcus' pocket. He can still kick your ass. Marcus has a very nice neck/shoulders/collarbone area and daddy issues.
This movie is already sorely lacking in exposed thighs.
I'd settle for a knee.
Marcus, I approve of your lips. Your lower one is particularly nice.
Poor Marcus. Nobody wants to be your friend. :(
SAW SOME KNEES. OH YEAH.
Marcus has ears like a motherfucking bat. I bet it's the natives, not cattle. If only because cattle would make for a very different story. Of course, who doesn't want to see a movie about a Roman and his bovine?
I want one of those helmets. I always have, but now I really do.
That's not a cow. That's not a cow at all.
What this movie lacks in exposed thighs, it more than makes up for in slashy, stabby fighting. I approve. More thighs would still be love though.
AND THEN THERE WAS FIRE.
Oh look. The natives are upset. How surprising. God, Rome, why did you have to be such a pushy asshole?
Beheading seems like a relatively painless way to die, provided it's done right. Nobody likes a sloppy beheading. It makes us all look bad. Does anyone have the facts on this. Should I add beheading to my list of 'I'd be okay with that' ways to die?
Mmm, strategy is sexy. Random, disembodied heads? Not so much. I'm having mixed feelings about this.
Ooo, chariots. SLICEY chariots.That would hurt.
Marcus has a pair of balls on his chariot slaying self. Also, daddy issues. And now he has an uncle! Maybe he'll give him the hug he's been sorely needing?
Oh, Marcus. Honey. It's going to be okay. An honorable discharge isn't the end of the world. :( You still have most of a movie to go. Clearly you have more to do.
All the ladies think Marcus is a sexy beast. RAWR.
I didn't do enough research before hand to say for certain, but I'm guessing that's Esca? So he's probably about to kick this guy's ass with his bare hands. Maybe? Honey, what are you doing? Apparently getting your ass kicked. So much for my theory.
Already with the intense staring?
Marcus! I love you and your thumbs! :D
I also love Marcus' uncle. (Does he have a name? Can I name him? I'm naming him. He is now Uncle Awesome.)
Esca. ESCA. YOUR DAGGER. YOUR BOND. YOU ARE LOVELY AND NOBLE.
Nary a thigh in sight.
This is...oddly hot for surgery. Yes, Esca. Hold him down. Harder.
And now there's an oddly hot boar hunt. What is this movie doing to me? O.o
Esca looks so wee when he's standing next to Marcus.
'The Ninth'. OH HI, ESCA, WHAT DO YOU SO OBVIOUSLY KNOW?
Marcus is going to bust a cap in somebody's ass over honor before this movie is over. Bust. A. Cap. (I'm still not street enough to pull something like that off, am I?) He is sad and injured inside.
The Eagle: Reminding the world that politicians have always been douches.
Hi, Marcus. You're very trusting and noble and whatnot, but I think you sometimes make rash decisions.
Uncle Awesome, you are not being awesome. Esca is better than slitting Marcus' throat while he sleeps. He gave his word, okay? Seriously. Stop being not awesome.
Marcus is a studly pile of issues. Trufax.
Hey look. It's a tree full of dead bodies. Wonder what you have to plant to grow something like that.
Aww, touching heart to heart over the campfire. I want Esca to be free so I can ship this without feeling a little dirty.
Oh, Esca. :( You poor boy and your poor family.
I like Marcus' little eagle woobie.
Everyone in this movie is full of Honor. It's like watching Mulan. Except without Donny Osmond. Or any Chinese people. And less crossdressing. Okay, so it's nothing like Mulan, but there's still honor.
Marcus has ears like a bat and Esca has eyes like a hawk. They are a match made in flying heaven.
Does Esca seriously not have a weapon or am I just not seeing this right? Oh, there we go. He had a stick.
It's just a child. I know it was probably necessary, but Esca's face just...gah. :(
I approve of Esca and his talking back ways. You keep that backbone, honey.
Marcus, you don't really do diplomacy, do you? You're more of a 'tell me what I want to know or I will STAB YOU IN THE FACE' kind of guy. Don't get me wrong, it seems to be working for you, but you know that saying about flies and honey.
I think someone's been hiding out in the woods for too long. That someone is Guern. (Why yes, I do have the wiki open in a different tab so I can get the spellings right.)
I'm more inclined to trust Esca's people judging skills right now than Marcus'. Guern doesn't seem to have fond feelings toward Rome at all.
The Seal People sounds like a band. Like The Village People, only with more barking. Granted, there's probably less killing with The Village People. Probably.
Neither of them are pleased right now, but I would swear that their fighting is more groping than punching. Especially when Marcus grabbed Esca by the back of the head.
OH HI, PAINTED PEOPLE. YOU LOOK FRIGHTENING AND THREATENING.
I approve of the twist this is taking. Is it wrong if I like seeing Marcus tied up? Fandom, what have you done to me?
This chief is kind of freaking me out.
Esca is not breaking his promise. He gave his word. He's saving him in the only way he can. Right? RIGHT?
Some things never change. The ladies still think Marcus is a sexy beast. RAWR. Not working out so well for him this time, though...
I...um...I need a hundred more scenes where Esca pushes Marcus around and grabs him by his hair. A hundred hundreds. More even.
The Seal People appear to do as many drugs as The Village People. (I assume The Village People were high ALL THE TIME by evidence of their outfits.) Good to know.
...What's with the sniffing? Sniffing people turns them into warriors? I know they're all high, but WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
It's the eagle. Marcus is probably going to do something stupid now.
...Yep.
ESCA. I LOVE YOU AND YOUR SENSE OF HONOR.
"I thought I'd lost you." How is that not this fandom's "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling"? Or is it? I haven't really ventured into the fandom outside of a couple recced fics.
Esca is clearly the voice of reason in this movie. Too bad Marcus is bad at listening.
Masked guy has Marcus' dad's ring...
But masked guy is not his father. I am both happy and disappointed about that.
Aww, that little kid likes Esca. Esca's good with kids. DON'T KILL THE KID, MARCUS. SERIOUSLY. I KNOW THEY'RE OFTEN LOUD AND STICKY, BUT THAT'S JUST A BAD HABIT TO GET INTO.
Run, horsies, ruuuuuuun. It's been way too long since I've gone horseback riding.
Esca nursing Marcus. ESCA NURSING MARCUS. Esca trying to protect Marcus from the mean things the chief said about his daddy! GUYS. SERIOUSLY?
And for the second time in less than a week I'm reminded of my first hand experience with a zombie rat apocalypse. Yay.
Marcus is jumpy first thing in the morning.
Esca's horse! Oh god, that hurts my heart. I want to go hug our horses now. :(
Oh, you clever, clever boys. Hiding in the river like that can't be good for Marcus' leg wound, though.
NEVER LET GO, ESCA. NEVER LET GO.
I'm starting to get the feeling that Marcus isn't a strong swimmer. Also, he's probably at least a little shocky and fevery. Or other medical things that I don't really know anything about. IDK, I'm not a doctor. I don't even play one on tv.
Oh god. I can't even process this. My head is full of thinky thoughts that won't turn into words. Esca is free, but now they're friends? Except not really. I have a whole long thing in my head about how they are both Good Men, as is measured by their respective people, but it would probably be best to save that for the end of this post. Right now, Marcus is sharpening a stick and Esca is running a lot. I clearly have better things to be focusing on.
There is no way that sitting around chilling in all that water is doing anything to help Marcus' wound. Also, I question the sturdiness of his stick. Would it really be able to hold him up that well.
ESCA. YOU FOUND ROMANS. Or former Romans. Whatever. Good for you, bb. You done good.
I'm in love with Marcus' neck and shoulders. Also his collar bones. Just that whole general region. That whole area's pretty good for me.
Aww, noble Romans being noble. Funny how none of them seem to have lost their shields in all this time. You would think at least would have.
Don't kill the kid. Don't kill the kid. Don't kill the kid.
Oh, fuck you, asshole. (Although Esca does give good sadface.)
Someone really needs to kill the kid killer. I hope it's Esca who does it.
Okay, Marcus is good too.
Oh, I like how they cut out the soundtrack for this part. That was super effective, guys. Way to go on that.
Bye, Gluern. I was wrong about you. :(
And now Marcus and Esca can be BFFs forever and go on lots of sexy adventures together. You know, once they rub this in that asshole politician's face. YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT. RUB IT IN ALL DIGNIFIED LIKE.
Oh, politician just put his foot in it. And Esca gives good smug face too.
Yeah, definitely time for some sexy adventures.
Okay, my conclusions.
1. To me, this was a love story about two Good Men having a Touching, Manly Adventure. Marcus saves Esca's life, even when everyone around him is screaming for the opposite, and Esca does...well, pretty much everything for Marcus. Added to that, their personal histories have drawn a line between them, which is some pretty basic Romeo and Juliet shit, except with more stabbing. Except that there's also that whole slave thing.
2. That whole slave thing. Esca was Marcus' slave. Marcus was Esca's slave, except not really, because he was just doing what he had to do to keep Marcus safe and alive until they could finish their mission. There's a power balance there that gets even muddier when you factor in the fact that Esca clearly doesn't consider himself a slave so much as a man who owes Marcus a life debt. How are there not thousands of words of fic exploring this with all kinds of thinky thoughts? This is the sort of relationship that screams out for thousands of words of thinky thoughts.
3. I feel like I missed something in there where they suddenly became BFFs. It just seemed like it needed more, you know? One minute they pretty much hate each other and are only together because neither of them really have any other option and the next they're walking off into the sunset together? What? Did I fall asleep? Where there more scenes full of bonding in there that I just didn't see? Don't get me wrong, I liked the dynamic they had at the end. I just want to know exactly where it came from.
4. Overall, it's a better than average, entertaining movie that isn't without its issues. Fandom. Get on those issues, because they would make for damn good fics.
5. It needed more exposed thighs.
6. Esca is an adorable wee thing who could fit in Marcus' pocket. He can still kick your ass. Marcus has a very nice neck/shoulders/collarbone area and daddy issues.