I don't even know anymore, guys.

[coffeebuddha]

First of all, thank you so much to everyone who left a comment on my last post about my grandmother. Earlier today, after upping her morphine considerably, they were able to put the feeding tube back in. She's still pretty much incoherent and in considerable pain, but...I don't know. It just feels like we've been waiting for the end forever now and every time it looks like it's come, it actually hasn't, like she's hanging on by her nails for some reason none of us knows. I feel emotionally whip lashed and completely helpless. This probably makes me a horrible person, but she's in pain all the time, is too weak to undergo treatment for the two different cancers she has, has had multiple strokes, and there's no way she's ever going to get back to a point where she has any quality of life and I wish and pray she would let go.