Fun times with topetine and <lj site="livejournal.com" user="coff

[coffeebuddha]

It's looking like I'm going to miss another daily drabble update today. I'd feel more guilty about it if I'd gotten more than four hours of sleep last night and didn't feel like I was about to keel over at any moment. Anyway, there's no fic, but I'm going to post a conversation between topetine and myself discussing the fic that I should have posted today. Yes, this is the sort of stuff we talk about when we're alone together on gchat. I'd like to point out that math has never been my strong suit and I tend to forget everything about it as soon as possible.

WARNING: This conversation is Very Much NSFW. Also? It's probably not nearly as funny to people who aren't us.

 

For the record, the prompt topetine gave me for the fic we're talking about is "lassiter/conforth kinkysexin (cuffs, ties, the baton...) either past or present"

coffeebuddha: BTW, do you remember what we decided the collapsible stick thingy was called last night?

>.>

topetine: haha collapsible baton, but, i was thinking about that last night, because i am a dirty ho, and you were talking about penetrating with it?

i dont think it has smooth edges

coffeebuddha: Probably not...that could be a problem, couldn't it. =/

Fuck.

topetine: you can always use it for caning <3

coffeebuddha: But I don't WANT to use it for caning.

topetine: like a riding crop, but, without the cute tassle

um leessee we can fix this

coffeebuddha: What if he just fucks him with the handle?

topetine: haha, i love how we have the same mind

also WTF does snoop dogg have to do with collapsable batons?

coffeebuddha: Don't know

topetine: i would also like to note that the handles look ribbed for hiz pleasure.

:P

coffeebuddha: Shit. All the handles I'm seeing have 'nonslip' grips.

topetine: haha

coffeebuddha: That's not going to be easy to fuck with.

You know what. I might skip posting a fic and just post this conversation instead.

topetine: yeah hm, weeelll, you could

LMFAO

i laughed so hard i snorted

lol

AS I WAS SAYING, you could always subsitute the nightstick itself,

coffeebuddha: That seems like it'd be rather...thick though.

topetine: mmm leessee

coffeebuddha: OMG THIS LEATHER BILLY CLUB.

topetine: Link?

coffeebuddha: IT WOULD HURT LIKE A MOFO, BUT IT LOOKS SO SEXY.http://www.armynavyshop.com/prods/rc10077.html

topetine: AND YOU NEED A LICENSE TO CARRY IT LMFAO

coffeebuddha: You know Lassie has one hidden under his sink.

topetine: he has one in every room, yo

coffeebuddha: Trufax

topetine: :D

http://www.selfdefenseproducts.com/Side-Handle-Baton-p-16891.html

i cant breathe

coffeebuddha: How big around is a 11/4 inch diameter? Would that be a good width for fucking?

topetine: look at the accessories

coffeebuddha: BATON CONDOMS!

topetine: I cant breathe

coffeebuddha: OMG MY VOICE IS ALMOST GONE, SO MY LAUGHTER IS JUST DEMENTED SOUNDING LITTLE SQUEAKS. THIS IS HILARIOUS.

topetine: CLINGS OMG OMG OMG

LOL

coffeebuddha: Anyway, 1 1/4 inch diameter? y/n?

topetine: catches breath

lemme get a ruler

coffeebuddha: lol

topetine: wait duh

coffeebuddha: ?

topetine: google-ing "average penis diameter" LOL

coffeebuddha: Oh yeah, this convo's going online. XD

topetine: HAHAHA

Yet, one reputable source claims that the relaxed human penis has an average length of only 4 inches (≈10.2 cm) and diameter of 1¼ inches (≈3.2 cm) while fully erect it has an average length of 6 inches (≈15.2 cm) and diameter of 1½ inches (≈3.8 cm).[8] The mean penis size is slightly greater than the median size. Studies have not found a relation between penis size and race.[9]

coffeebuddha: So I could have Lassie fuck him with the baton then.

topetine: dude i say yes b/c some are saying peen girth is like fucking 4+inches

which is scary

lol

coffeebuddha: \o/

topetine: wait circumfrence is not diameter

coffeebuddha: Ha! No, hun, it's not.

XD

ILU

topetine: :D

just go for it <3

coffeebuddha: Awesome.

topetine: my chest hurts from laughing so hard lol