coffeebuddha: (Default)
Oh sweet baby Jesus on a cracker, y'all. Did you know that this is how people are supposed to write? How could I have been so wrong?! I must go and repent immediately!

*dies laughing*

Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] meteorick at OH GOD THIS CAN'T BE REAL
Found this on tumblr. Holy bleeding tumescent pole! This is like every post here rolled into one disgusting package!

TO ALL FANFIC WRITERS:

wolfqueens:

lindaantonsil:

Here’s a tip: this is what real writing looks like. I know you all try to define your pitiful lives by stealing the characters and ideas of others, so I’m going to give you a free lesson on what good writing looks like, so that you can apply it and feel better about yourselves. And maybe leave those superior works alone and untainted by your fourth rate, derivative trash, but I’m not expecting too much. Thievery, infringement, and crafting disgusting “ships” are like vicodin for you people. 

My creamy pale white skin shone like limpid pearls against the moonlight that served as the backdrop for our secret romance. The grass felt course and smooth against my backside, the pinpricks digging like pain and pleasure as his hands, his lips, his skin drove me deeper into the earth with our souls molding and shaping into one with every thrust of his powerful body. His chest was solid and unyielding against my full bosom like the iron press of a the world’s greatest statue possessed by a god, whose earthly visit was only to sate the desires and wants of a sinful mortal such as I. Rough hands groped my mounds, eliciting groans and gasps from my swollen rosy lips. The light of the moon made his alabaster flesh sing in tune to mine, so smooth and pale and unblemished by the rigors of the peasant world. I could still recall my first affair, with a servant with skin as black as tar from the Summer Isles who smelled like sweat and the plantation, but I had since disposed of him for the unworthy diversion that he was. “Elio…” I moaned, his large white hands combing through my honey velvet tresses. His thick red tumescent pole plunged into my Swedish marsh, and I screamed in completion as the stars looked down on us, one for every thrust…

See the difference? Original characters and beautiful descriptive prose, and I didn’t use the word “cock” once. No copyright infringement necessary. I hope this has changed your perspective on some things. Oh who am I kidding? Its not writing for you unless you distort canon and make a true writer’s characters perform disgusting things with another character they haven’t even met. At least I tried.

I’m just gonna leave this here. Gold mine, y’all. Really.


http://tmblr.co/ZKG6YyHULc4i
coffeebuddha: (Default)
I vote we instate a new rule. 'If your profile reads like a twelve year old's Myspace page and your PMs are riddled with errors, you aren't allowed to try to lecture people about their occasional disregard for grammar in the name of literary effect.'

Ugh. 
coffeebuddha: (alot)
You know what really bothers me? I really don't like it when people describe a handjob as 'stripping' someone's cock in a fic. That just sounds painful.

And bloody.

And gross.

Also, the word cum? I can bite my tongue and almost peacefully deal with it as a noun since it's defined as a slang term for semen. However, it is impossible to cum, because nouns don't work that way. Don't verb nouns, guys. Just...don't. So if you absolutely must, then cover a character with cum, but make certain it's there because of someone coming.
coffeebuddha: (humpable)
1. I'm about 3000 words into writing a completely ridiculous Inception AU. WTF. How is this my life?

2. I spent most of my day curled up in bed with a migraine that just would not quit. I hate my body. Is it too late to get a refund or trade it in for a new one?

3. [livejournal.com profile] starscythe is full of awesome and win. She made me a photo manip of Kevin as a cowboy, because she knows how much I enjoy dressing him up like one in my fics.
Cut, because it's not exactly safe for work. )

4. It's been slow going on my charity fics and I feel absolutely horrible about that, but two of them are over the halfway mark, so hopefully my brain will stop rebelling and let me finish them. Right now, it grinds to a halt every time I try to work on them and I end up with a bunch of crap that I end up deleting in a pique of hatred and dissatisfaction. :(

5. I'm sorry again about how touch and go I've been about responding to comments and getting in touch with people lately. My grandmother, who's been seriously, hospitalization levels of sick the last year, has reached the point where we're basically just waiting for the end, and the stress of the whole situation is making my social anxiety sky rocket to the point where half the time the thought of answering a comment makes me feel like I'm about to have a panic attack.

6. I need a picture of something cute and fluffy now. Here, let's all have a picture of something cute and fluffy.

 
coffeebuddha: (humpable)
1. I'm about 3000 words into writing a completely ridiculous Inception AU. WTF. How is this my life?

2. I spent most of my day curled up in bed with a migraine that just would not quit. I hate my body. Is it too late to get a refund or trade it in for a new one?

3. [livejournal.com profile] starscythe is full of awesome and win. She made me a photo manip of Kevin as a cowboy, because she knows how much I enjoy dressing him up like one in my fics.
Cut, because it's not exactly safe for work. )

4. It's been slow going on my charity fics and I feel absolutely horrible about that, but two of them are over the halfway mark, so hopefully my brain will stop rebelling and let me finish them. Right now, it grinds to a halt every time I try to work on them and I end up with a bunch of crap that I end up deleting in a pique of hatred and dissatisfaction. :(

5. I'm sorry again about how touch and go I've been about responding to comments and getting in touch with people lately. My grandmother, who's been seriously, hospitalization levels of sick the last year, has reached the point where we're basically just waiting for the end, and the stress of the whole situation is making my social anxiety sky rocket to the point where half the time the thought of answering a comment makes me feel like I'm about to have a panic attack.

6. I need a picture of something cute and fluffy now. Here, let's all have a picture of something cute and fluffy.

 
coffeebuddha: (Default)
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS WHERE YOU KNEW YOU NEEDED TO BE WORKING ON MULTIPLE COMMENT FICS, CHARITY FICS, AND BIG BANGS IN ADDITION TO SCOURING THE INTERNET LOOKING FOR JOB OPPORTUNITIES BECAUSE YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED AND YOUR SAVINGS FOR COLLEGE IS OFFICIALLY EMPTY, BUT INSTEAD YOU SPEND IT READING FIC ABOUT HOW GOD IS A DUCK, EATING CHOCOLATE, DAYDREAMING ABOUT A FIC THAT WILL NEVER BE WRITTEN BECAUSE THE OC IN YOUR HEAD IS THE QUEEN OF THE MARY SUES, FEELING TOO HERMITY AND ANTISOCIAL TO ANSWER COMMENTS, AND LISTENING TO CRACKY SONGS?
 

OR IS THAT JUST ME? 
coffeebuddha: (Default)
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS WHERE YOU KNEW YOU NEEDED TO BE WORKING ON MULTIPLE COMMENT FICS, CHARITY FICS, AND BIG BANGS IN ADDITION TO SCOURING THE INTERNET LOOKING FOR JOB OPPORTUNITIES BECAUSE YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED AND YOUR SAVINGS FOR COLLEGE IS OFFICIALLY EMPTY, BUT INSTEAD YOU SPEND IT READING FIC ABOUT HOW GOD IS A DUCK, EATING CHOCOLATE, DAYDREAMING ABOUT A FIC THAT WILL NEVER BE WRITTEN BECAUSE THE OC IN YOUR HEAD IS THE QUEEN OF THE MARY SUES, FEELING TOO HERMITY AND ANTISOCIAL TO ANSWER COMMENTS, AND LISTENING TO CRACKY SONGS?
 

OR IS THAT JUST ME? 
coffeebuddha: (Default)
I've been thinking lately about different things I can do to push myself more with my writing, and one thing I keep coming back to is something that I saw someone-whose name is now lost in the inky depths of my memory-do on her LJ. Every day she posted a drabble based on a prompt that someone else gave her. The prompt was always given by the first commenter in the drabble she did the day before. I personally think it's a really cool idea and would love to give it a try, but since it's obviously a very interactive thing, I was wondering how many, if any, of you would want to participate? The fics would all be between 100-500 words and could cover any fandom, rating, or pairing that you know I write and/or enjoy. For example, I've never written for The Big Bang Theory, but since I watch it, you could still request that if you wanted.

So, what do you guys think? Any takers? Also, feel free to throw a prompt in with these comments. If I feel like there's enough interest, I'll use the first one as a launching prompt. If not, I'll just go ahead and fill as many as I can. :)
coffeebuddha: (Default)
I've been thinking lately about different things I can do to push myself more with my writing, and one thing I keep coming back to is something that I saw someone-whose name is now lost in the inky depths of my memory-do on her LJ. Every day she posted a drabble based on a prompt that someone else gave her. The prompt was always given by the first commenter in the drabble she did the day before. I personally think it's a really cool idea and would love to give it a try, but since it's obviously a very interactive thing, I was wondering how many, if any, of you would want to participate? The fics would all be between 100-500 words and could cover any fandom, rating, or pairing that you know I write and/or enjoy. For example, I've never written for The Big Bang Theory, but since I watch it, you could still request that if you wanted.

So, what do you guys think? Any takers? Also, feel free to throw a prompt in with these comments. If I feel like there's enough interest, I'll use the first one as a launching prompt. If not, I'll just go ahead and fill as many as I can. :)
coffeebuddha: (Default)
I've had people ask me why I write. My knee jerk reaction is to just say 'it's complicated'. I wrote some when I was younger, but not much. I had a few short stories and some fanfics that I never finished. There are probably about six or seven starts to books on my hard drive. Writing is one of those things that I've almost always had people tell me I was good at. It wasn't something I was passionate about, but it was something that I could do, so I did it.

Then, as some of you guys know, I got to a really Bad Place a few years back. I won't go into the details because most of it is beyond personal, but believe me when I say that it was bad. A lot of things in my life changed during that time, and one is that I stopped writing. I even stopped reading, which is a huge deal since I've been a voracious reader ever since I read Pickle Things-the best children's book about anthropomorphic pickles there is-when I was tiny. To make a long story short, I ended up changing schools and moving back in with my parents. Things looked like they were starting to get better, but I knew they really weren't. I was still unmotivated and depressed, only now I was unmotivated and depressed while being treated like a child and with hardly any friends around. I wasn't the same person I used to be, and the worst part was that I had no idea how to get back to being her.

My saving grace came toward the end of February this year when I started reading fanfiction again. It started with South Park, which I'll probably never be able to fully explain since I've always been a casual watcher at best. Nevertheless, I read one story, then another and another and another. Some of it was good. Most of it was crap. I read it anyway and then sat down and wrote my first fanfic in years. It was just a oneshot and it focused on a character who only showed up for a few minutes in the movie and an unnamed original character. The target audience for it was almost nonexistent and I got next to no feedback for it, but it didn't matter. I was hooked. I wrote another short for South Park, but quickly realized it wasn't a fandom I was really comfortable writing in. However, I'd just finished marathoning Psych and decided to try my hand with that. Pay dirt. I loved these characters. I wanted to crawl inside their heads and dig around and put everything I'd found down on paper. I saw a 100 themes challenge and, on a whim, decided to give it a try. I currently have 46 of the 100 themes done. About 40 of those were written during the span of one month.

Since then, I don't write just because I'm halfway decent at it and it's something to do. I write because I need to. It's therapy without the bills. I can't even describe how writing makes me feel. It just makes everything a little lighter, a little easier. I can write the most tragically angsty scene and walk away with a huge smile on my face because another bit of the stress that's been dragging me down is just magically gone. Yes, I get obsessive. Yes, I have new stresses because of deadlines and insecurities, but these stresses I can handle. The other day when I was working on a term paper, I commented to a couple of my friends that I needed to stop and take a break to write a drabble, because it felt like my brain was trying to claw its way out of my skull. I wasn't exaggerating. I was nervous and jittery and about to rip my hair out and cry at that point, but writing that drabble was like taking a deep breath of fresh air, and I was able to get back to work and finish the paper after I did it.

At a rough estimate, I've written about 190 stories and 140,000 words since the end of February/beginning of March. They aren't all good. Some of them are 100 word drabbles. Some of them are multiple chapters. A few are unfinished. A few could probably do with a rewrite. And I'm thankful to each and every one of them, because over the course of writing them, I've started to claw my way out of the dark hole I was in. I'll never get back to who I used to be, but that's okay. The person I'm learning to be is a little stronger, a little smarter, and a little tougher than that girl was.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
I've had people ask me why I write. My knee jerk reaction is to just say 'it's complicated'. I wrote some when I was younger, but not much. I had a few short stories and some fanfics that I never finished. There are probably about six or seven starts to books on my hard drive. Writing is one of those things that I've almost always had people tell me I was good at. It wasn't something I was passionate about, but it was something that I could do, so I did it.

Then, as some of you guys know, I got to a really Bad Place a few years back. I won't go into the details because most of it is beyond personal, but believe me when I say that it was bad. A lot of things in my life changed during that time, and one is that I stopped writing. I even stopped reading, which is a huge deal since I've been a voracious reader ever since I read Pickle Things-the best children's book about anthropomorphic pickles there is-when I was tiny. To make a long story short, I ended up changing schools and moving back in with my parents. Things looked like they were starting to get better, but I knew they really weren't. I was still unmotivated and depressed, only now I was unmotivated and depressed while being treated like a child and with hardly any friends around. I wasn't the same person I used to be, and the worst part was that I had no idea how to get back to being her.

My saving grace came toward the end of February this year when I started reading fanfiction again. It started with South Park, which I'll probably never be able to fully explain since I've always been a casual watcher at best. Nevertheless, I read one story, then another and another and another. Some of it was good. Most of it was crap. I read it anyway and then sat down and wrote my first fanfic in years. It was just a oneshot and it focused on a character who only showed up for a few minutes in the movie and an unnamed original character. The target audience for it was almost nonexistent and I got next to no feedback for it, but it didn't matter. I was hooked. I wrote another short for South Park, but quickly realized it wasn't a fandom I was really comfortable writing in. However, I'd just finished marathoning Psych and decided to try my hand with that. Pay dirt. I loved these characters. I wanted to crawl inside their heads and dig around and put everything I'd found down on paper. I saw a 100 themes challenge and, on a whim, decided to give it a try. I currently have 46 of the 100 themes done. About 40 of those were written during the span of one month.

Since then, I don't write just because I'm halfway decent at it and it's something to do. I write because I need to. It's therapy without the bills. I can't even describe how writing makes me feel. It just makes everything a little lighter, a little easier. I can write the most tragically angsty scene and walk away with a huge smile on my face because another bit of the stress that's been dragging me down is just magically gone. Yes, I get obsessive. Yes, I have new stresses because of deadlines and insecurities, but these stresses I can handle. The other day when I was working on a term paper, I commented to a couple of my friends that I needed to stop and take a break to write a drabble, because it felt like my brain was trying to claw its way out of my skull. I wasn't exaggerating. I was nervous and jittery and about to rip my hair out and cry at that point, but writing that drabble was like taking a deep breath of fresh air, and I was able to get back to work and finish the paper after I did it.

At a rough estimate, I've written about 190 stories and 140,000 words since the end of February/beginning of March. They aren't all good. Some of them are 100 word drabbles. Some of them are multiple chapters. A few are unfinished. A few could probably do with a rewrite. And I'm thankful to each and every one of them, because over the course of writing them, I've started to claw my way out of the dark hole I was in. I'll never get back to who I used to be, but that's okay. The person I'm learning to be is a little stronger, a little smarter, and a little tougher than that girl was.
coffeebuddha: (headdesk tos)
So, hypothetically speaking. Say you're writing two characters with no intention of them having sex, but they seem dead set on doing it. How would you handle the situation? Because these boys don't want to keep it in their pants...
coffeebuddha: (headdesk tos)
So, hypothetically speaking. Say you're writing two characters with no intention of them having sex, but they seem dead set on doing it. How would you handle the situation? Because these boys don't want to keep it in their pants...

Randomness

Aug. 25th, 2010 11:40 pm
coffeebuddha: (awesome kirk)
So sleepy. Promise I'll respond to comments on the last part of Hot Like Mexico later, but I doubt they'd be coherent right how. Lalala.

1. I had a great idea for an original short story about a couple caught in a horrible, codependent, abusive relationship but refusing to admit it's unhealthy or that anything's wrong because they're 'in love'. Very high tension, lots of explosive sequences, sociopathic tendencies, general feelings of unease and borderline squickiness. Then I realized that Stephenie Meyer stole my idea and lamed it up with glittery vampires and emo kids, so that put an end to that. Sad day.

2. I think I would flip out with happiness if I ever found out that people were reccing my fics. Seriously, there would probably be major flailing and high pitched noises going on. Liking something so much that you actively want other people to read it is just about the highest compliment I can think of.

3. I need to start sleeping more than a handful of hours a night.

4. Had my Sociology of Gender class tonight. Ended up talking about sexism in Star Trek(why all the tight and short?), how much T'Pau kicked ass, and our general adoration of Leonard Nimoy with my presentation group. We also had a loud, indignant conversation about the fact that most of the world's bras are designed by men. What the fuck is up with that? Also, picture of Leonard Nimoy as a hot young thing.


Mmm, 1952 was a good year for everyone's favorite Vulcan.

5. After sitting through my conducting class today, I came to exactly one conclusion. If anyone ever makes a bio pic about John Barbirolli, they should cast Tim Roth to play him.



6. I finally got around to changing my LJ title. The subtitle's changed several times the last few months, but I've had the same title since I first signed up on here back when I was in high school. Still haven't decided what I think about the change. Any opinions?

7. Am watching Venture Brothers while I doze off. Sometimes I worry about the fact that I ship Brock/Hank so damn hard.

Randomness

Aug. 25th, 2010 11:40 pm
coffeebuddha: (awesome kirk)
So sleepy. Promise I'll respond to comments on the last part of Hot Like Mexico later, but I doubt they'd be coherent right how. Lalala.

1. I had a great idea for an original short story about a couple caught in a horrible, codependent, abusive relationship but refusing to admit it's unhealthy or that anything's wrong because they're 'in love'. Very high tension, lots of explosive sequences, sociopathic tendencies, general feelings of unease and borderline squickiness. Then I realized that Stephenie Meyer stole my idea and lamed it up with glittery vampires and emo kids, so that put an end to that. Sad day.

2. I think I would flip out with happiness if I ever found out that people were reccing my fics. Seriously, there would probably be major flailing and high pitched noises going on. Liking something so much that you actively want other people to read it is just about the highest compliment I can think of.

3. I need to start sleeping more than a handful of hours a night.

4. Had my Sociology of Gender class tonight. Ended up talking about sexism in Star Trek(why all the tight and short?), how much T'Pau kicked ass, and our general adoration of Leonard Nimoy with my presentation group. We also had a loud, indignant conversation about the fact that most of the world's bras are designed by men. What the fuck is up with that? Also, picture of Leonard Nimoy as a hot young thing.


Mmm, 1952 was a good year for everyone's favorite Vulcan.

5. After sitting through my conducting class today, I came to exactly one conclusion. If anyone ever makes a bio pic about John Barbirolli, they should cast Tim Roth to play him.



6. I finally got around to changing my LJ title. The subtitle's changed several times the last few months, but I've had the same title since I first signed up on here back when I was in high school. Still haven't decided what I think about the change. Any opinions?

7. Am watching Venture Brothers while I doze off. Sometimes I worry about the fact that I ship Brock/Hank so damn hard.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
I entered one short and two different chapters from the same story, all of which were written within a week of each other. Can I spin this so that I'm versatile instead of inconsistent?

I write like
H. P. Lovecraft

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




I write like
James Joyce

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!


coffeebuddha: (Default)
I entered one short and two different chapters from the same story, all of which were written within a week of each other. Can I spin this so that I'm versatile instead of inconsistent?

I write like
H. P. Lovecraft

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




I write like
James Joyce

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!


A Letter

Jun. 20th, 2010 07:42 pm
coffeebuddha: (ogilf)
Dear me,

I appreciate your attempts to multitask. It's great that you can do lots of different things while simultaneously plotting out entire scenes in your head. It's even better that you can usually manage to remember it all until you get to your computer, usually some number of hours later.

That being said, you are pretty much incapable of keeping whatever you're thinking about off your face. So, sitting up in the choir loft where everyone can see you during church? Probably not the best place to be plotting out a porn scene. Just saying. You really don't want to have to explain what you were thinking about to the little old ladies who are watching you make faces.

Eternally you,

coffeebuddha

A Letter

Jun. 20th, 2010 07:42 pm
coffeebuddha: (ogilf)
Dear me,

I appreciate your attempts to multitask. It's great that you can do lots of different things while simultaneously plotting out entire scenes in your head. It's even better that you can usually manage to remember it all until you get to your computer, usually some number of hours later.

That being said, you are pretty much incapable of keeping whatever you're thinking about off your face. So, sitting up in the choir loft where everyone can see you during church? Probably not the best place to be plotting out a porn scene. Just saying. You really don't want to have to explain what you were thinking about to the little old ladies who are watching you make faces.

Eternally you,

coffeebuddha
coffeebuddha: (Default)
I'm maybe a little too anal retentive. I'm working on a Feel Better fic for [livejournal.com profile] topetine and so far I've spent more time fact checking it than I have actually writing it. And people say that fanfiction isn't hard work. Pfft. Maybe if you're lazy and sloppy it isn't.

ETA: Ehhhh. *flails unhappily* Writing's hard, y'all.

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