coffeebuddha: (heels bigger than your dick)
Dear Project Runway,

Ever since I watched the first episode of the first season I've loved you. I've loved you madly, deeply, and passionately. I gasped at Jay's Chrysler building dress, coveted Austin's gowns and Seth Aaron's jackets, and gaped at Kenley's offensiveness. I laughed at Santino's Tim Gunn impressions, wished time after time that Tim Gunn was my uncle or at least a family friend, and wondered aloud 'what the hell is Heidi wearing' more times than I can count. I've watched models sewn into dresses, models go missing, models completely fail to keep their opinions off their faces during judging.

And I loved it. That's why it pains me so much to say this:

I think I need to see other creativity/talent-based reality shows.

Don't get me wrong; it's not me. It's you. You've changed. I've always known there was producer manipulation, but until the last couple of years it wasn't enough to get worked up over. There are so many things I want to say to you, but they're all sticking in my throat. I thought you did your worst to me when Gretchen's hideous collection won out over Mondo's gorgeous one for the flimsy and patently untrue reason that hers was more 'on trend'. I thought wrong.

Again, don't get me wrong. I liked Anya's collection well enough. It's very pretty; how could it not be when she basically remade one pretty dress over and over again in different fabrics? BUT it was even prettier back when Uli did it back during season 3 and lost for not being diverse enough.

Uli did it first, Uli did it better, Uli did it with more diversity, Uli did it with a hell of a lot more skill and quality, and Uli was eliminated because the judges thought it still wasn't enough. Anya winning was a complete farce and stinks of producer manipulation and the judges being taken in by a pretty face. She seems like a nice enough woman and I wish her all the success in the world with her career, but the fact remains that there is absolutely no reason why she should have even made it to the finale after the utter disaster she presented last week that the judges hated 2/3rds of. The fact that they made it a final four instead of a final three screams of the producers sticking their noses in where they didn't belong, because there was no way they could justify cutting anyone other than her and of course the former beauty queen who's been sewing for less than a year just has to be kept around.

I want to love you, Project Runway. I do. But I just can't do this anymore. I want to see talented designers completing ridiculous challenges and getting stressed out and pulling it all together at the last moment and getting rewarded for their hard work. I don't want watch consistently strong competitors being just as consistently overlooked and disregarded in favor of someone who only appears to still be squeaking through because they're more dramatic.

If that's what I was looking for in my reality tv, I'd watch some shit like Jersey Shore. I've stuck by you for years now, but I don't think I can anymore.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you've turned into such an unenjoyable fucking joke.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
I said I was going to stop being a hermit and then I completely stopped checking my email and flist for a few days.

Oops?

GDI, why am I incapable of interacting with other people like a normal person? Responding to comments from people I like and leaving comments on posts I care/have opinions about shouldn't leave me gibbering mess who only wants to hide in her comfy chair and play Sims until she can breathe again.  

On a completely unrelated note, I kind of want to do a Die Hard marathon.
coffeebuddha: (wrist is pissed)
Someone is plagiarizing one of my stories over on ffnet. I'm so pissed off that I actually feel numb.

The Mouths of Babes: LJ/FFnet

The copy: FFnet
coffeebuddha: (wrist is pissed)
Someone is plagiarizing one of my stories over on ffnet. I'm so pissed off that I actually feel numb.

The Mouths of Babes: LJ/FFnet

The copy: FFnet
coffeebuddha: (not doing shit)
I want to stab something in the face with a fucking fork.

I'm so far outside my happy place that it isn't even a little funny. I don't want to talk about it, but if anyone wants to send anything happy--gifs, fic recs, dirty jokes, etc--my way, that would be appreciated.

Fuck.

Just.

Just.

FUCK.

I'll try to get back on the ball tomorrow.
coffeebuddha: (not doing shit)
I want to stab something in the face with a fucking fork.

I'm so far outside my happy place that it isn't even a little funny. I don't want to talk about it, but if anyone wants to send anything happy--gifs, fic recs, dirty jokes, etc--my way, that would be appreciated.

Fuck.

Just.

Just.

FUCK.

I'll try to get back on the ball tomorrow.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
  1. Woke up.
  2. Went for an 8 1/2 mile run/walk/whatever. Stopped because it felt like a bone was trying to escape through the bottom of my foot.
  3. Bought a swimsuit and cheese.
  4. Went swimming.
  5. Was forced into having a talk about My Future.
  6. Wanted to stab myself in the face.
  7. Cursed my inability to write anything that could be considered publishable.
  8. Cursed my inability to finish any of the many novels I've started writing over the years.
  9. Cursed the world's inability to pay me for writing fanfiction/drabbles.
  10. Silently admitted to myself that I have absolutely no real desire to finish my degree anymore.
  11. Wondered how my parents would react if I just drop out of college and got a job flipping burgers, because I didn't actually hate working fast food.
  12. Realized that I'd eat all the burgers and end up gaining back all the weight I've lost. Plus, you know, myriad of other reasons that I can't even, omg.
  13. Curled up in a ball and tried not to cry or throw up.
  14. Watched Tosh.0 with [livejournal.com profile] topetine.
  15. Read fic that wasn't even porn for a fandom I'm not even a part of.
  16. Stalked the author's LJ so that I could read the entire series that the fic was for.
  17. Refused to think about real life anymore for the night.
  18. Thought about real life some more.
  19. Fought the urge to curl back up into a ball.
  20. Decided to screw the world and go to sleep.
And that's why there's no Daily Drabble for the day. Because I am full of fail. Sorry, [livejournal.com profile] theslashbunny. It's plotted out in my head and should be up sometime tomorrow.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
  1. Woke up.
  2. Went for an 8 1/2 mile run/walk/whatever. Stopped because it felt like a bone was trying to escape through the bottom of my foot.
  3. Bought a swimsuit and cheese.
  4. Went swimming.
  5. Was forced into having a talk about My Future.
  6. Wanted to stab myself in the face.
  7. Cursed my inability to write anything that could be considered publishable.
  8. Cursed my inability to finish any of the many novels I've started writing over the years.
  9. Cursed the world's inability to pay me for writing fanfiction/drabbles.
  10. Silently admitted to myself that I have absolutely no real desire to finish my degree anymore.
  11. Wondered how my parents would react if I just drop out of college and got a job flipping burgers, because I didn't actually hate working fast food.
  12. Realized that I'd eat all the burgers and end up gaining back all the weight I've lost. Plus, you know, myriad of other reasons that I can't even, omg.
  13. Curled up in a ball and tried not to cry or throw up.
  14. Watched Tosh.0 with [livejournal.com profile] topetine.
  15. Read fic that wasn't even porn for a fandom I'm not even a part of.
  16. Stalked the author's LJ so that I could read the entire series that the fic was for.
  17. Refused to think about real life anymore for the night.
  18. Thought about real life some more.
  19. Fought the urge to curl back up into a ball.
  20. Decided to screw the world and go to sleep.
And that's why there's no Daily Drabble for the day. Because I am full of fail. Sorry, [livejournal.com profile] theslashbunny. It's plotted out in my head and should be up sometime tomorrow.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS WHERE YOU KNEW YOU NEEDED TO BE WORKING ON MULTIPLE COMMENT FICS, CHARITY FICS, AND BIG BANGS IN ADDITION TO SCOURING THE INTERNET LOOKING FOR JOB OPPORTUNITIES BECAUSE YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED AND YOUR SAVINGS FOR COLLEGE IS OFFICIALLY EMPTY, BUT INSTEAD YOU SPEND IT READING FIC ABOUT HOW GOD IS A DUCK, EATING CHOCOLATE, DAYDREAMING ABOUT A FIC THAT WILL NEVER BE WRITTEN BECAUSE THE OC IN YOUR HEAD IS THE QUEEN OF THE MARY SUES, FEELING TOO HERMITY AND ANTISOCIAL TO ANSWER COMMENTS, AND LISTENING TO CRACKY SONGS?
 

OR IS THAT JUST ME? 
coffeebuddha: (Default)
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS WHERE YOU KNEW YOU NEEDED TO BE WORKING ON MULTIPLE COMMENT FICS, CHARITY FICS, AND BIG BANGS IN ADDITION TO SCOURING THE INTERNET LOOKING FOR JOB OPPORTUNITIES BECAUSE YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED AND YOUR SAVINGS FOR COLLEGE IS OFFICIALLY EMPTY, BUT INSTEAD YOU SPEND IT READING FIC ABOUT HOW GOD IS A DUCK, EATING CHOCOLATE, DAYDREAMING ABOUT A FIC THAT WILL NEVER BE WRITTEN BECAUSE THE OC IN YOUR HEAD IS THE QUEEN OF THE MARY SUES, FEELING TOO HERMITY AND ANTISOCIAL TO ANSWER COMMENTS, AND LISTENING TO CRACKY SONGS?
 

OR IS THAT JUST ME? 

New Plan

Oct. 15th, 2010 06:09 pm
coffeebuddha: (Default)
Things have been kind of shitty lately. Like, seriously shitty. It seems like I bottle things up the most when they're really bad. I'm not looking for sympathy or for anyone to talk to. I just want to toss it out there that things aren't going well for me right now, so don't be surprised if I'm only on here sporadically for a while.

In the meantime, I have a plan. Well, for the night at least.

1. Eat my bowl of ice cream.
2. Polish off this second bottle of wine.
3. Curl up and cry a little.
4. Remind myself that life doesn't stop, no matter how much you'd like to take a vacation from reality.
5. Answer comments that I've been ignoring.
6. Write something for TWYL that isn't such crap that it makes me want to slit my wrists.

New Plan

Oct. 15th, 2010 06:09 pm
coffeebuddha: (Default)
Things have been kind of shitty lately. Like, seriously shitty. It seems like I bottle things up the most when they're really bad. I'm not looking for sympathy or for anyone to talk to. I just want to toss it out there that things aren't going well for me right now, so don't be surprised if I'm only on here sporadically for a while.

In the meantime, I have a plan. Well, for the night at least.

1. Eat my bowl of ice cream.
2. Polish off this second bottle of wine.
3. Curl up and cry a little.
4. Remind myself that life doesn't stop, no matter how much you'd like to take a vacation from reality.
5. Answer comments that I've been ignoring.
6. Write something for TWYL that isn't such crap that it makes me want to slit my wrists.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandfather died this afternoon. Thank you to everyone who's offered their support and kind words while I've been trying to sort through my feelings about this. I'm not going to the funeral because it's the first week of classes and my parents need me at home to take care of the animals-dogs, cats, and horses-but with everything going on I may not be around much for a little while. If you're religious, please keep my family in your prayers. Thank you again and God bless.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandfather died this afternoon. Thank you to everyone who's offered their support and kind words while I've been trying to sort through my feelings about this. I'm not going to the funeral because it's the first week of classes and my parents need me at home to take care of the animals-dogs, cats, and horses-but with everything going on I may not be around much for a little while. If you're religious, please keep my family in your prayers. Thank you again and God bless.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandmother was rushed to the emergency room this morning after she collapsed. We still don't know how serious her condition is. Apparently, she basically stopped eating and sleeping after my grandfather started to get really bad. Things are really on edge and up in the air at my house right now. As crass as it may sound, we're pretty much just waiting for my grandfather to die and hoping that my grandmother will be able to get it together enough to get through this. I don't particularly like the woman, but I feel really sorry for her right now.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandmother was rushed to the emergency room this morning after she collapsed. We still don't know how serious her condition is. Apparently, she basically stopped eating and sleeping after my grandfather started to get really bad. Things are really on edge and up in the air at my house right now. As crass as it may sound, we're pretty much just waiting for my grandfather to die and hoping that my grandmother will be able to get it together enough to get through this. I don't particularly like the woman, but I feel really sorry for her right now.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandfather, who's been really sick for a while and is the reason for some of my more cryptic 'things aren't good' comments, slipped into a coma this morning. I'm an army brat. I've never lived anywhere near my dad's family. I've met my grandfather maybe about fifteen times in my life. I haven't spoken to him since 2004 when my family went up to my dad's hometown before my older sister started college in the fall. These people have never tried to be a part of my life. I feel a lot closer to some of my neighbors, who we spend holidays with and I consider to be my real family, than I do to my non-immediate blood relatives. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I feel horrible for my dad, but it's more like a stranger's dying than anything else to me.

When Lil-one of the neighbors I mentioned-died last fall, I grieved because I'd lost someone I loved who had been a huge part of my life. We're not related to her in any way, but her husband insisted we stand/sit with the family during the viewing and service. I know it's illogical, but there's a part of me that's ashamed that I'm more affected by her death than my biological grandfather. But, in my heart, she was family and he really isn't.

Is there anyone else who's been through something like this?
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandfather, who's been really sick for a while and is the reason for some of my more cryptic 'things aren't good' comments, slipped into a coma this morning. I'm an army brat. I've never lived anywhere near my dad's family. I've met my grandfather maybe about fifteen times in my life. I haven't spoken to him since 2004 when my family went up to my dad's hometown before my older sister started college in the fall. These people have never tried to be a part of my life. I feel a lot closer to some of my neighbors, who we spend holidays with and I consider to be my real family, than I do to my non-immediate blood relatives. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I feel horrible for my dad, but it's more like a stranger's dying than anything else to me.

When Lil-one of the neighbors I mentioned-died last fall, I grieved because I'd lost someone I loved who had been a huge part of my life. We're not related to her in any way, but her husband insisted we stand/sit with the family during the viewing and service. I know it's illogical, but there's a part of me that's ashamed that I'm more affected by her death than my biological grandfather. But, in my heart, she was family and he really isn't.

Is there anyone else who's been through something like this?
coffeebuddha: (headdesk tos)
While I doubt anyone's on the edge of their seat wondering what's going to happen next, I feel really bad for saying that the third chapter would be up yesterday and then not delivering. It's entirely my own fault. First I got sucked into reading slash for Zombieland(OMG, SO GOOD!) and then I accidentally killed my laptop. You know, the laptop that I do all my writing on. The screen's completely busted and it would cost more to fix it than it's even worth. Not that I have the money to fix it even if I wanted to. So, I'm back on my desktop, which has more bugs than an ant hill. I have some of what I did  because of emails with [livejournal.com profile] topetine but I still lost a good sized chunk of what I was writing.
coffeebuddha: (headdesk tos)
While I doubt anyone's on the edge of their seat wondering what's going to happen next, I feel really bad for saying that the third chapter would be up yesterday and then not delivering. It's entirely my own fault. First I got sucked into reading slash for Zombieland(OMG, SO GOOD!) and then I accidentally killed my laptop. You know, the laptop that I do all my writing on. The screen's completely busted and it would cost more to fix it than it's even worth. Not that I have the money to fix it even if I wanted to. So, I'm back on my desktop, which has more bugs than an ant hill. I have some of what I did  because of emails with [livejournal.com profile] topetine but I still lost a good sized chunk of what I was writing.

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