coffeebuddha: (bernard drinking wine-black books)
I had a whole long post typed up that basically just made me want to cry and be emo in a corner, but instead I'm just going to post a picture of Tom Hardy, because if I'm going to hate myself tonight, then I might as well hate myself while looking at some fucking pretty.

coffeebuddha: (bernard drinking wine-black books)
I had a whole long post typed up that basically just made me want to cry and be emo in a corner, but instead I'm just going to post a picture of Tom Hardy, because if I'm going to hate myself tonight, then I might as well hate myself while looking at some fucking pretty.

coffeebuddha: (humpable)
1. I'm about 3000 words into writing a completely ridiculous Inception AU. WTF. How is this my life?

2. I spent most of my day curled up in bed with a migraine that just would not quit. I hate my body. Is it too late to get a refund or trade it in for a new one?

3. [livejournal.com profile] starscythe is full of awesome and win. She made me a photo manip of Kevin as a cowboy, because she knows how much I enjoy dressing him up like one in my fics.
Cut, because it's not exactly safe for work. )

4. It's been slow going on my charity fics and I feel absolutely horrible about that, but two of them are over the halfway mark, so hopefully my brain will stop rebelling and let me finish them. Right now, it grinds to a halt every time I try to work on them and I end up with a bunch of crap that I end up deleting in a pique of hatred and dissatisfaction. :(

5. I'm sorry again about how touch and go I've been about responding to comments and getting in touch with people lately. My grandmother, who's been seriously, hospitalization levels of sick the last year, has reached the point where we're basically just waiting for the end, and the stress of the whole situation is making my social anxiety sky rocket to the point where half the time the thought of answering a comment makes me feel like I'm about to have a panic attack.

6. I need a picture of something cute and fluffy now. Here, let's all have a picture of something cute and fluffy.

 
coffeebuddha: (humpable)
1. I'm about 3000 words into writing a completely ridiculous Inception AU. WTF. How is this my life?

2. I spent most of my day curled up in bed with a migraine that just would not quit. I hate my body. Is it too late to get a refund or trade it in for a new one?

3. [livejournal.com profile] starscythe is full of awesome and win. She made me a photo manip of Kevin as a cowboy, because she knows how much I enjoy dressing him up like one in my fics.
Cut, because it's not exactly safe for work. )

4. It's been slow going on my charity fics and I feel absolutely horrible about that, but two of them are over the halfway mark, so hopefully my brain will stop rebelling and let me finish them. Right now, it grinds to a halt every time I try to work on them and I end up with a bunch of crap that I end up deleting in a pique of hatred and dissatisfaction. :(

5. I'm sorry again about how touch and go I've been about responding to comments and getting in touch with people lately. My grandmother, who's been seriously, hospitalization levels of sick the last year, has reached the point where we're basically just waiting for the end, and the stress of the whole situation is making my social anxiety sky rocket to the point where half the time the thought of answering a comment makes me feel like I'm about to have a panic attack.

6. I need a picture of something cute and fluffy now. Here, let's all have a picture of something cute and fluffy.

 
coffeebuddha: (Default)
  1. Woke up.
  2. Went for an 8 1/2 mile run/walk/whatever. Stopped because it felt like a bone was trying to escape through the bottom of my foot.
  3. Bought a swimsuit and cheese.
  4. Went swimming.
  5. Was forced into having a talk about My Future.
  6. Wanted to stab myself in the face.
  7. Cursed my inability to write anything that could be considered publishable.
  8. Cursed my inability to finish any of the many novels I've started writing over the years.
  9. Cursed the world's inability to pay me for writing fanfiction/drabbles.
  10. Silently admitted to myself that I have absolutely no real desire to finish my degree anymore.
  11. Wondered how my parents would react if I just drop out of college and got a job flipping burgers, because I didn't actually hate working fast food.
  12. Realized that I'd eat all the burgers and end up gaining back all the weight I've lost. Plus, you know, myriad of other reasons that I can't even, omg.
  13. Curled up in a ball and tried not to cry or throw up.
  14. Watched Tosh.0 with [livejournal.com profile] topetine.
  15. Read fic that wasn't even porn for a fandom I'm not even a part of.
  16. Stalked the author's LJ so that I could read the entire series that the fic was for.
  17. Refused to think about real life anymore for the night.
  18. Thought about real life some more.
  19. Fought the urge to curl back up into a ball.
  20. Decided to screw the world and go to sleep.
And that's why there's no Daily Drabble for the day. Because I am full of fail. Sorry, [livejournal.com profile] theslashbunny. It's plotted out in my head and should be up sometime tomorrow.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
  1. Woke up.
  2. Went for an 8 1/2 mile run/walk/whatever. Stopped because it felt like a bone was trying to escape through the bottom of my foot.
  3. Bought a swimsuit and cheese.
  4. Went swimming.
  5. Was forced into having a talk about My Future.
  6. Wanted to stab myself in the face.
  7. Cursed my inability to write anything that could be considered publishable.
  8. Cursed my inability to finish any of the many novels I've started writing over the years.
  9. Cursed the world's inability to pay me for writing fanfiction/drabbles.
  10. Silently admitted to myself that I have absolutely no real desire to finish my degree anymore.
  11. Wondered how my parents would react if I just drop out of college and got a job flipping burgers, because I didn't actually hate working fast food.
  12. Realized that I'd eat all the burgers and end up gaining back all the weight I've lost. Plus, you know, myriad of other reasons that I can't even, omg.
  13. Curled up in a ball and tried not to cry or throw up.
  14. Watched Tosh.0 with [livejournal.com profile] topetine.
  15. Read fic that wasn't even porn for a fandom I'm not even a part of.
  16. Stalked the author's LJ so that I could read the entire series that the fic was for.
  17. Refused to think about real life anymore for the night.
  18. Thought about real life some more.
  19. Fought the urge to curl back up into a ball.
  20. Decided to screw the world and go to sleep.
And that's why there's no Daily Drabble for the day. Because I am full of fail. Sorry, [livejournal.com profile] theslashbunny. It's plotted out in my head and should be up sometime tomorrow.
coffeebuddha: (he'll die!-House)
I'm the walking dead today, darlings. Woke up feeling like complete shit. All attempts to write so far have made my head swim so much that I thought I was going to throw up. Making the executive decision to postpone today's Daily Drabble and all comment responses until tomorrow. It's not that I don't love you. It's just that between the nausea and the swollen joints, it literally hurts to type. Now I'm going to go back to hydrating, cuddling with my kitties, watching bad tv, and looking at gifs.

coffeebuddha: (he'll die!-House)
I'm the walking dead today, darlings. Woke up feeling like complete shit. All attempts to write so far have made my head swim so much that I thought I was going to throw up. Making the executive decision to postpone today's Daily Drabble and all comment responses until tomorrow. It's not that I don't love you. It's just that between the nausea and the swollen joints, it literally hurts to type. Now I'm going to go back to hydrating, cuddling with my kitties, watching bad tv, and looking at gifs.

coffeebuddha: (Default)
I'm thinking about trying Nutrisystem, since God knows I've tried everything else with pretty much no success. Well, that's not strictly true. I lost about 20lbs when I did Atkins, but I gained it all back and then some when I went off of it. ANYWAY. My question. Has anyone on my flist tried Nutrisystem and, if you have, what did you think about it? Is it worth trying?
coffeebuddha: (Default)
I'm thinking about trying Nutrisystem, since God knows I've tried everything else with pretty much no success. Well, that's not strictly true. I lost about 20lbs when I did Atkins, but I gained it all back and then some when I went off of it. ANYWAY. My question. Has anyone on my flist tried Nutrisystem and, if you have, what did you think about it? Is it worth trying?

New Plan

Oct. 15th, 2010 06:09 pm
coffeebuddha: (Default)
Things have been kind of shitty lately. Like, seriously shitty. It seems like I bottle things up the most when they're really bad. I'm not looking for sympathy or for anyone to talk to. I just want to toss it out there that things aren't going well for me right now, so don't be surprised if I'm only on here sporadically for a while.

In the meantime, I have a plan. Well, for the night at least.

1. Eat my bowl of ice cream.
2. Polish off this second bottle of wine.
3. Curl up and cry a little.
4. Remind myself that life doesn't stop, no matter how much you'd like to take a vacation from reality.
5. Answer comments that I've been ignoring.
6. Write something for TWYL that isn't such crap that it makes me want to slit my wrists.

New Plan

Oct. 15th, 2010 06:09 pm
coffeebuddha: (Default)
Things have been kind of shitty lately. Like, seriously shitty. It seems like I bottle things up the most when they're really bad. I'm not looking for sympathy or for anyone to talk to. I just want to toss it out there that things aren't going well for me right now, so don't be surprised if I'm only on here sporadically for a while.

In the meantime, I have a plan. Well, for the night at least.

1. Eat my bowl of ice cream.
2. Polish off this second bottle of wine.
3. Curl up and cry a little.
4. Remind myself that life doesn't stop, no matter how much you'd like to take a vacation from reality.
5. Answer comments that I've been ignoring.
6. Write something for TWYL that isn't such crap that it makes me want to slit my wrists.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandfather died this afternoon. Thank you to everyone who's offered their support and kind words while I've been trying to sort through my feelings about this. I'm not going to the funeral because it's the first week of classes and my parents need me at home to take care of the animals-dogs, cats, and horses-but with everything going on I may not be around much for a little while. If you're religious, please keep my family in your prayers. Thank you again and God bless.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandfather died this afternoon. Thank you to everyone who's offered their support and kind words while I've been trying to sort through my feelings about this. I'm not going to the funeral because it's the first week of classes and my parents need me at home to take care of the animals-dogs, cats, and horses-but with everything going on I may not be around much for a little while. If you're religious, please keep my family in your prayers. Thank you again and God bless.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandmother was rushed to the emergency room this morning after she collapsed. We still don't know how serious her condition is. Apparently, she basically stopped eating and sleeping after my grandfather started to get really bad. Things are really on edge and up in the air at my house right now. As crass as it may sound, we're pretty much just waiting for my grandfather to die and hoping that my grandmother will be able to get it together enough to get through this. I don't particularly like the woman, but I feel really sorry for her right now.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandmother was rushed to the emergency room this morning after she collapsed. We still don't know how serious her condition is. Apparently, she basically stopped eating and sleeping after my grandfather started to get really bad. Things are really on edge and up in the air at my house right now. As crass as it may sound, we're pretty much just waiting for my grandfather to die and hoping that my grandmother will be able to get it together enough to get through this. I don't particularly like the woman, but I feel really sorry for her right now.
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandfather, who's been really sick for a while and is the reason for some of my more cryptic 'things aren't good' comments, slipped into a coma this morning. I'm an army brat. I've never lived anywhere near my dad's family. I've met my grandfather maybe about fifteen times in my life. I haven't spoken to him since 2004 when my family went up to my dad's hometown before my older sister started college in the fall. These people have never tried to be a part of my life. I feel a lot closer to some of my neighbors, who we spend holidays with and I consider to be my real family, than I do to my non-immediate blood relatives. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I feel horrible for my dad, but it's more like a stranger's dying than anything else to me.

When Lil-one of the neighbors I mentioned-died last fall, I grieved because I'd lost someone I loved who had been a huge part of my life. We're not related to her in any way, but her husband insisted we stand/sit with the family during the viewing and service. I know it's illogical, but there's a part of me that's ashamed that I'm more affected by her death than my biological grandfather. But, in my heart, she was family and he really isn't.

Is there anyone else who's been through something like this?
coffeebuddha: (Default)
My grandfather, who's been really sick for a while and is the reason for some of my more cryptic 'things aren't good' comments, slipped into a coma this morning. I'm an army brat. I've never lived anywhere near my dad's family. I've met my grandfather maybe about fifteen times in my life. I haven't spoken to him since 2004 when my family went up to my dad's hometown before my older sister started college in the fall. These people have never tried to be a part of my life. I feel a lot closer to some of my neighbors, who we spend holidays with and I consider to be my real family, than I do to my non-immediate blood relatives. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I feel horrible for my dad, but it's more like a stranger's dying than anything else to me.

When Lil-one of the neighbors I mentioned-died last fall, I grieved because I'd lost someone I loved who had been a huge part of my life. We're not related to her in any way, but her husband insisted we stand/sit with the family during the viewing and service. I know it's illogical, but there's a part of me that's ashamed that I'm more affected by her death than my biological grandfather. But, in my heart, she was family and he really isn't.

Is there anyone else who's been through something like this?
coffeebuddha: (Default)
Feeling a lot better, but still not great. Taking it easy today. Watching reruns of Frasier, doing some cryptograms, and bumbling my way through researching a fic I'm trying to plot out. Family law is confusing, y'all.

For some reason, I've had The Way We Were stuck in my head all day.

I don't feel good, but this picture of a puppy made me smile.

coffeebuddha: (Default)
Feeling a lot better, but still not great. Taking it easy today. Watching reruns of Frasier, doing some cryptograms, and bumbling my way through researching a fic I'm trying to plot out. Family law is confusing, y'all.

For some reason, I've had The Way We Were stuck in my head all day.

I don't feel good, but this picture of a puppy made me smile.

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