You guys know that Supernatural AU fic that I'm not going to write because I don't have the time
? Well, if I did have the time, the beginning would go something like this.
Dean is a Hero, and therefore does dangerous, reckless, somewhat stupid things on a fairly regular basis. Despite the fancy title, being a Hero isn't exactly a high rung job. His well worn and usually stained clothes only partially cover a wide array of interesting scars, his back seems to have a permanent crick in it from the endless crappy motel beds he sleeps in, and there's that little thing where he most likely won't make it past his thirty-fifth birthday. But, on the other hand, chicks tend to dig a guy who's just saved their life, his Hero identification card is enough to get him free drinks in most bars, and he never wanted to end up in a nursing home anyway.
All in all, it works for him.
Or, well, it did.
Because, despite the carefree, rebellious reputation that Heroes have, there are still rules, and topping the--admittedly short--list is a very simple but important one: Don't fuck with the gods. It's one of those things that everyone knows, right up there with silver bullets kill werewolves and you don't order the rotgut at the Roadhouse if you want to keep your liver for longer than the next three years.
The thing to remember about the gods is that they're dicks. Oh, there are a few who would be nice enough to grab a beer with--Dionysus and Bacchus are supposed to be a couple of regular laugh riots--but in general they're not exactly the kind of guys you'd want to invite over to watch a game. So, they're dicks, sometimes of the smitey, murderous variety, but they take care of each other. In every sense of the phrase. Heroes don't need to go after rogue gods, because the other gods won't let them stay rogue for long. They do, after all, have a certain reputation that they're trying to cultivate nowadays, and laying waste to an entire city because of a less than stellar offering is simply not considered seemly anymore.
On the flip side, though, the gods take care of each other. Trying to fight one is a suicide mission, because even if you do somehow manage to pull a win out of your ass, you're still going to end up dead.
Probably by the end of the day.
Probably in a very horrific, very memorable way.
The best case scenario that Dean's ever heard about happened around twenty years ago, back when he was still just a kid with a bad case of hero worship for his dad and a glamorized idea of what he did actually entailed. Some cocky, wannabe Hero, Ted, had been drinking at the same bar as his dad, and by the time the god walked in, he'd been too stupid with whiskey to notice what the other man was. No one really paid attention to what the two of them talked about, but every eye in the place was on them when Ted stood up with a slurred shout and slammed his fist into the god's nose. The god didn't even blink at the impact, just calmly sat his beer back on the bar and lifted his hand to touch the thin trickle of blood running out of his left nostril. He examined the bright red blood on the pads of his fingers, like the very concept of bleeding was foreign to him. After several tense seconds, he laughed, long and hard enough that a few other patrons let out nervous chuckles of their own, then, with a wide grin, he shook his head at Ted and said, "I think not."
A snap of his fingers and it was raining Ted.
So, yeah, rule one. Don't fuck with the gods.
Seeing as he's a Hero, born and raised, Dean knows all of this, but none of it is what's running through his head right now. Instead, all he can think is Oh, fuck me, as he stares at Castiel, god of Thursday, completely incapable of looking away from his almost perplexed face. Castiel slowly looks from his bleeding hand, down to the ground where his severed right ring finger is lolling in the dust, then up at the blade that's glinting wetly in Dean's grip.
Fuck his life.
I AM NOT WRITING THIS. I DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO WRITE THIS. GOD DAMN IT, BRAIN.
BTW, THIS IS WHAT I'M DOING AT CHURCH WHEN IT LOOKS LIKE I'M TAKING NOTES ON THE SERMON. >.>